Coffee
by Kyndeyrn
Summary: Coffee: The source and solution to all problems. oneshot


A/N: I wrote this to prove to my friend, Neon Leprechaun, that I do in fact need coffee (or some other caffeinated beverage) to survive.

Disclaimer: Coffee is better than potatoes.

Coffee. Everything about it was just so wonderful; the color, the taste, the caffeine. Everything! From his first sip, Harry had been obsessed with the stuff. It was the most delightful substance he had ever consumed, and he simply just couldn't get enough of the hot miraculous beverage. People had warned him that he would get addicted, but he hadn't cared in the least, all that mattered was that he kept drinking coffee. Nowadays it was not unusual for him to down ten or twelve cups a day, that is, until _it_ happened.

Harry had woken up, as usual, and, mind still clouded with a combination of sleep and a lack of caffeine, dragged himself through the castle and to the Great Hall. He collapsed on the bench at the Gryffindor table between Ron and Hermione and reached for the coffee, the one form of matter that could bring life into his exhausted body. Only, he couldn't grab it, there seemed to be an invisible wall around the shining silver pot. For a moment, he simply stared dumbly at his hand pressed against the air before turning to Hermione and saying rather groggily, "Coffee…being…bad. Help?"

He didn't realize that it was Hermione who had her wand trained on the pot, but she cleared everything up for him quickly, "Harry, Ron and I have decided that you are far too addicted to coffee, I mean, it really is bad for your health, so we've decided that we're not going to let you drink any more of the foul concoction." Next to Harry, Ron nodded his head vigorously in approval.

Harry only seemed to register a frighteningly remote amount of this new information and next turned to Ron and in the same voice asked, "Why…no…coffee? Need…coffee! Need…coffee…now!"

Ron just shook his head, "No mate, we're not giving you any coffee. Have some pumpkin juice instead; you used to love the stuff."

Harry stared blearily at the pitcher Ron was holding out, "Coffee?"

Ron glanced at Hermione who shrugged and so he continued to force the juice upon Harry, "No Harry, this is pumpkin juice." He said slowly and clearly.

Harry did not seem to hear him, but still grabbed the pitcher. He stared at it for a second before saying "Coffee!" and proceeded to empty it in a single gulp. Ron and Hermione stared at him, mouths agape as he made a face of disgust and alarm and bellowed loudly, "NOT COFFEE!" and then promptly fell asleep, snoring loudly.

"Honestly, this is getting silly!" exclaimed Hermione as she pointed her wand at Harry. Abruptly, a large pile of peanuts fell on the sleeping wizard and Hermione grinned sheepishly, "Oops, well I'm still working on that one..." She raised her wand and tried again and this time a fountain of water came pouring down on Harry, "Much better!"

Harry sputtered awake, "Huh? Wha'? Who's there?"

"It's time for your first class, Harry!" said Hermione brightly.

"O, yeah, righ'. Jus' five more minutes." Slurred the coffee-deprived teen before returning to sleep. Hermione and Ron exchanged glances that clearly said: this is going to be one long day…

That day Harry received more detentions than he had ever gotten in his entire life. Of course, he wasn't conscious long enough to know of this. The only times he woke up was when he had to change classes and during this he had a splitting head-ache that, combined with his already energy-deprived mind, was enough to make him crash into far more walls than necessary on his way to his various classes. By the time he got back to the common room that evening he had just enough energy left to shoot his two best friends a dirty look before dragging himself upstairs and flopping into bed.

The rest of the week passed the same way and by Friday Harry was further behind on homework than any Hogwarts student has ever been in the history of existence, not to mention he still had 24 detentions he needed to attend. Something had to be done, but what?

"Madame Pomfrey," Harry uttered after a long, painful journey to the Hospital Wing that had involved quite a few stone walls, "Ron and Hermione took away my coffee and now I can't stay awake and I've got 52,623 tons of homework and about the same number of detentions and I really need something caffeinated so if you have any heart at all you'll help me. PLEASE!"

The nurse took a long look at him and concluded that he did indeed look terrible and said, "I think I have just the thing." She went into the back room and brought out several cans, "Now, just drink one or two of these each morning and you'll be just fine."

"Oh thankyouthankyouthankyou" said Harry gratefully.

The next time Hermione saw Harry, he had his usual maniacal gleam in his eye and a grin on his face. He also seemed to be clutching a bright green can. "Harry, you look loads better, did you finally get off that coffee junk?"

"Yeah, in a way."

"Glad to hear it. Hey, what do you have there?" she asked gesturing to the container that the black-haired wizard was clutching.

"Oh this." And as Harry raised the can Hermione groaned for displayed on the label was the most caffeinated beverage known to muggle and wizard kind: Mountain Dew.

A/N: I know I should be working on Power of Insanity, but for the last four days I've wanted a Starbucks double-shot expresso so badly and haven't managed to get one so I'm rather coffee-minded at the moment…


End file.
